Society tells girls today to grow up and be mature way to fast. They force themselves to accept skanky clothes, mature ways of acting, and sexual situations. It forces them to lose things that they should cherish way to fast. But really, they just want to slow down and be kids.
A few months ago, i walked in on my 15 year old cousin and her friend watching 'A troll in central park' probably one of the stupidest childish cartoon movies ever made. Yet they were really excited to watch it, because it let them relive a time when they were more innocent and child-like.
In high school, i was looked down upon because i hadn't 'lost it yet'. Its considered a status symbol i suppose. your not really cool unless you've 'done it'. Yet, if you do it with more then one guy, your a whore, and that's considered worse then a virgin.
Guys on the other hand, are goaded and taught to have sex with as many girls as they can. Its a very high status symbol for them. They're a loser if they're virgins. They're a loser if their 'whipped' by their girl.
Its truly terrible what society thrusts upon us. That's why so many people smoke pot or drink. Because when you open the door, and lose your innocence, there's no going back. There's only the sweet embrace of escape.
Last Tuesday was my 21st birthday. Master took me to Vegas! yaaaysVegas! we saw the Zumanity show, i loooved the sayter. i have a thing for half human-half beast creatures. ^^ Masters favorite thing was getting to fuck me while we were both standing up, (almost). i wore my red high-up hooker shoes. it put my holes in the perfect position for Master's cock. so yays! ^^
Ummive been really busy lately since i got a job. now i have someplace to be and people to talk to and errands to run. it makes me feel a lot more normal. which beats sitting alone in a house all day with nothing to do and nowhere to go and broke off your ass. so yays once again.
The only problem with it all is, i now feel more independent and less reliant on my Master. Which takes me a little further away from my normal submissive head space.Then it takes me a lot longer to get myself back into that space, and its sad cause Master has a tough enough time dealing with me as it is. XDheehee. (cause you know I'm such a naughty girl) (and a smart-ass) (and high maintenance) ((jkim not any of those things really, I'm just a slutty whore with average math skillz.))
Yay! This slave finally used her third hole to please her Master! yaaaays! on a side note, enemas hurt. i don't likes them. turns out their not all that necessary. Anyways, once you get past the whole stretching of the asshole, anal actually feels better then vaginal sex. since theres no cervix to hit. yeah, i don't have a very large libido, so its difficult to make sex feel really good for me. ahh yeah.
W/we also went to comic con this week! it was totally awesome! i saw lots of famous people and got some comics signed by david mack! and a bunch of people stared at my tits because i wore my corset on one of the days. hee hee it was fun, being stared at and commented on by a lot of people and i even managed to bad some free stuff. so yays! ^^
i have a love-hate relationship with cock-sucking. On one hand, i get the warm fulfillment of bringing my Master up most pleasure, and i get to enter a rhythm that lets me mindlessly suck something (it brings about an easy transition into slave space.) However, you are sucking on something that frequently chokes you, rarely sees the light of day, and gets covered in sweat and pee smells. So, naturally, your body wants to stay away from bitter choking things. Yet at the same time, you find yourself addicted to it. You need to suck it to completion. You need to feel that warm pulsing thing slide into your mouth and down your throat. It becomes a sick perverted ritual. Which is a turn on for me, so its prolly why i go into slave space while doing it, but still have an aversion to it.
I've sort of just started out being good at cock sucking, its not too hard really, the only thing you really need to know is how to curl your lips over your teeth. Besides that, you just have fun switching between licking, sucking and handling the cock in different ways. You know you've done something right when you get a gasp/moan/random words of compliment, and silence for a while usually means you should switch to a different technique and see how that fairs.
Its an extra bonus if you have big tits, cause personally, that's the easiest way to take a little break from sucking. you just have to press your tits together and move up and down. Yays. ^ ^
Now about cum. The cum of the last two guys i was with tasted terrible. I assume their eating habits wern't up to par. besides the whole asparagus thing, if you eat candy and fast food all day, your cum will still taste rank. Try eating healthier foods, or a few hours before, down a load of pineapple and strawberries. This will greatly improve the taste.
umm yeah. dunno what else to say really. umm... Banzai Cock-Sucking! ^ ^
Last night, i sucked Masters cock in a dark empty park. i don't know what it was really, the fact that our clothes were still on, that the only thing i saw was his cock coming out of his fly, or because we were outside, (or perhaps everything i just mentioned.) it just seemed so much more perverted and naughty then doing other things. Actually, i think it just felt dirtier. Maybe that's why i liked it so much. i was there to suck my Masters cock and take his cum down my throat. And that was it.no cuddling, no touching for me, just cock-sucking. And right after, we got up and went back to the party W/we were attending with my parents. Just something about it felt so wrong.
Ive been thinking about this for a while. I know my Master will eventually come up with it (i think hes touched on it before) but the different things you can do with corner time is pretty interesting.
"Hold this quarter to the wall with your nose. If you falter or pull back in the slightest, the coin will fall, and your time will be doubled."
Or something like that. And the person has to keep doing it until they complete the time. It could even exceed into something where they've dropped it a bit and they have built up some time, it could be like,
"Oh this is just fantastic.You'veaggravated me and waisted so much of my precious time, you'vedriven me to hunger. I'm going out for food. Your punishment is to stay like that until get back, regardless of time. If your lucky and I happen to be feeling particularly merciful, i might bring back some of my leftovers for you."
heehee. or if hes feeling really really nasty, he sits on the couch, eats snacks, watches TV, and once and a while shoots rubber bands at the slave, making them squeak and drop the coin. XD
There's something deliciously erotic about wearing a corset. It forces your posture to improve, it sucks in your stomach and other flabby bits, and it pushes up and presents your breasts. All you have to deal with is the new uncomfortableness of breathing with your chest instead of your stomach.oh..and eating. Its hard to eat with it on too.(you gotta loosen it first)
But anyways, This last weekend, Master and i attended (and volunteered at) Dom con. It was really awesome! So many people and booths and classes and fun stuff, the only reserve was that it was practically held in the basement of the hotel in this tiny (for a con) room. It made me sad that we could int openly enjoy/flaunt the lifestyle that gave a lot of us meaning. Maybe someday,we'll be just as accepted as say, the giant crazy extravagant porn convention/awards held in Las Vegas.
But i digress. Back to corsets! Even though i really liked the latex dresses (i still do) Master insisted (with very good reason) that we shop around a bit more before making a big purchase. (it was Masters money after all.) Our friend Emily found us perusing at one of the booths, and, after showing us her new corset, insisted that we check out the booth she got hers from. There was a whole table, she explained, devoted specifically to bargain corsets that were only $100 each! ((pretty darn cheep!)) So W/we went over and after trying a couple on,W/we found we liked this one black corset that had buckles lined horizontally down the front (i likes me some buckles.) The person running the booth helped us tighten the corset. Gods. the feeling of it being tightened, cinching in different parts of my torso, tightening, ahh it almost made me wet, it felt so good.
W/we finally got the corset on, but it was time to attend a class, and W/we wern't sure about buying it yet. the booth owner told us i could wear it to the class, to see how it felt, then W/we could come back and purchase it if we wanted. W/we thanked the man and went forth to class.
Once we had returned to the booth, however, it was all in a state of dissaray, they had selected to put on a fashion show on the main stage, and i was wearing one of their corsets! This lady assumed i was in the show and started putting lipstick on me and spraying my hair before i could even get a word out, i started freaking out a bit. I could int go up there in front of people! i could trip or not be as showy as the others or burst into tears of embarrassment or something!! Master came to my rescue and explained that i didn't want to be in the show. (thank Kamisama) They understood. yay.^^;
W/we ended up purchasing the corset, and throughout the rest of the day, we bought items that would help complete the outfit (and match my red hooker shoes) W/we were successful! woot! Everyone was complementing Master and i. (Master for having such a pretty slave and me for looking like a girl)it was nicely confidence boosting. and i enjoyed trotting around all sexy/pretty behind my Master (a sort of "That's right! my Master owns this hotness!") hee hee.
So yays. i haves a corset and Master has a hot sexy slave that likes star trek and yugimons!
I'm so glad i don't do drugs or anything that can really really damage my body, because i have one hell of an addictive personality. I went from "Ass Play is a Hard Limit" to "Oh Please! Stick it up there again, Sir!" in about one weekend. (--); well, in my defence, it was a more of a 'fear of the unknown fear' kinda thing, but still. I find myself starting to want all the things Master's into. Like spaghetti-o's, spicy food, toy hunting, and star trek. Things i never really cared for in the past.I'mprobably just associating it all with Master, but still.
It prolly makes me really fucking easy to train when you get right down to it. Ugh. i hope it isn't used for evil purposes. Like Master convincing me that i hate anime and dragons, but i love sci-fi and umm...boobs? (i don't think Master has an animal affiliation on par with mine. so umm..boobs is a pretty good substitute. yeah. id say i love dragons as much as a guy loves boobs. ^^)
i wonder if Master will try to get me over my fear of roller coasters....hmm.
As per my last post, today i washed my car. The time i choose was just before sunset,(which i was told was the perfect time to wash the car.) To get ready for this endeavor, i pulled my hair back, put on a junky t-shirt , my new jean skirt, and of course, blueberry.
I was having a marvelous time, i was somewhere in between the sudz-up and the 2nd hose down when my mother pulled into the driveway. It was not until now that i shakily realized that, in all my squatting and leaning and walking around, blueberry had slipped about an inch out of me. What the hell could i do?! i couldn't just stick my hand up the back of my skirt and slowly adjust it while she was walking right towards me!
I continued washing the car, clenching my cheeks, and thanking the gods that i had worn panties with a back instead of a thong. She approached me with approval, happy that i was doing something i said i would do. (women don't believe you do anything good unless they actually catch you in the act of doing it.) She stood there, and stared. I tried my best to keep nonchalantly drying my car. She kept giving me these little tips on how to do it right, not lifting a towel to help me, but not going back into the house to do whatever it is that she needed to do. She just stood there and stared at me. i grew more nervous. ((had the plug come out even further?!...... i couldn't check.... not with her standing there...she might notice and ask..... she always asks.....nosey bitch....)) finally, she left. i sighed. And quick as a flash, i turned my back to my car and stuck my hand up the back of my skirt, desperately trying to push blueberry back into myself.
No luck. it wasn't going.was it because i was standing? i didn't know. i couldn't bend over with my ass up in the air and push it in like how i did in the first place... there was neighbors around. i could hear them talking somewhere. one might see me. After more fruitless pushing, i tried sitting down on the front porch. surely a hard concrete floor and gravity would have the power my hands lacked! I squirmed. i bounced i straddled the edge of the step. i got up and felt again..... Fuck! still an inch out!
My car was still only half dry. Should i go inside and take it out? No....that felt too much like failure. I said i would wash my car with it in,and i had to finish that job. I gathered up some muster, clenched my cheeks again, and squatted down to clean the wheel wells. (once and a while, i would sit on my heels, to see if that might shove it in....nothing happened. it stayed where it was.) Around the time i was drying the wheel wells, my last task, Steve drove up. ((great another person to feel humiliated in front of)) i was sure now it was my panties and only my panties that was keeping blueberry from popping out of me and bouncing merrily down the driveway.
My car finally finished, blueberry teetering 1/3rd of the way out of me,I said my greetings to Steve, gathered up my things, and bolted inside the house, down the stairs and into the bathroom. With a mean glare at the now released blueberry, i sat down, and began to write this. yay.
So there you go. My Car wash of Hidden Humiliation. ^^;
So! This weekend was Master and I's 4 month anniversary! yaaaays! it was an awesome weekend! We went out to dinner and lunches and the pier and PA and had lots and lots of fun! ^^ It was also the weekend that some new toys arrived, and W/we decided it was time to start training my 3rd hole for my Masters use.
I was kind of scared at first, with all the horror stories my vanilla friends had told me about, describing the pain and how they declared 'never again!' (to the chagrin of their boyfriends.) But, they are just regular vanilla couples, and i highly doubt the guy even prepared her with even a finger. Otherwise, their new adventure might have gone a lot more smoothly.
The more i thought about it though, the more i liked the idea, and a lot of other people were able to do anal, so why couldn't i? At this point, i was nervous but excited. I wondered what it would really feel like, how it would be different from my 2nd hole, and things like that. Master went really nice and slow. And it made me happy that he was taking the time to do that, because it made me feel safer and more ready to accept it because he was treating it gently, rather then 'shoving it fully into me on the count of three'.
I was really surprised at how much i enjoyed the experience. It was sort of fascinating how much of a difference differently textured things make, because theres so many more nerves at the entrance of the 3rd hole then the 2nd. First, i experienced Masters fingers, then my smooth new butt plug. i wore my plug at different times for around a total of 12 hours this weekend. Everywhere i went when it was in me made me feel that much more submissive and eager to do things for my Master. Master let me take my plug home. Ive been given permission to wear it whenever i like. (i named my plug 'blueberry' ...cause....uhh...its blue... not very original, i know, but a code word was needed. i cant very well be in line at the supermarket and declare 'Master! my butt plug itches!!!' )
I think ill wear blueberry when i wash my car tomorrow. ^^
I love having my ability to speak taken away from me. Besides giving me a good feeling from giving something so fundamental and important over to my Master, it saves me from possibly saying anything embarrassing to people.
I enjoy the simple place it takes me to. I have to now just use sounds and gestures to try and make people understand what I'm trying to communicate to them. Its really amusing to most people, like I'm stuck in an endless charades game and I'm always 'it'. I also get in some fun humiliation by drawing silly mouths on the duct tape,it makes people giggle.^^
One of the fun times i had with this, was on Valentine's Day. Master and i were volunteering at 'My Kinky Valentine' at Threshold, and W/we were given the task of cleaning the grill. (which looked like it hadn't been cleaned in centuries) I got to clean it with tape over my mouth, and this goofy smile scrawled across it. (for an enhanced affect surly, because every time i looked up at someone who praised me for my hard work, i then received a giggle from them noticing the 'smile') ((it was awesomeness)). I got soooo dirty. i love getting dirty when I'm cleaning something, so when I'm all done, the item is clean, but now I'm covered in filth. hahahaha. ^^;
Well yeah. I really like being silenced. The only draw back that i come across is that i get really, really thirsty, probably from breathing through my nose all the time. ^^;
Well,since this is the first post, let me start with this. I'm a lifestyle submissive/slave, and I'm owned by my Master, Kamisama. ^^ Were soon to be going on 4months and I'm super happy with how the relationship is going so far.
Soooo yeah. on to today's topic, the trouble with training.
W/we've been thinking lately that its harder to train me when i can only see Master 2 1/2 days out of the week. because those other 4 something days skrew up a good chunk of the training that was instilled the previous weekends. I'm not really sure what to do about it, because i live with my parents, and when I'm in their house, its their rules that go. Anything they tell me to do, has to take precedence over what Master says. Which sucks balls. (mmm......balls....)
Anyways, its a hard thing to deal with. Doing normal human things most days, which make me uncomfortable, things like taking, eating, doing things without asking permission, sitting at a table, no reward/punishment system for anything i do. In normal reality, if i do something bad, i get nagged at with words forever, if i do something good,it either goes completely un-noticed, or i get a bland 'thank you'. Yup. i really see my motivation to do things for them. feh.
Then, we get to go to the wonderful part of the week. Where i can freely express myself and not feel self conscious, where i can eat from a bowl on the floor, ask to use the restroom, and receive small chocolate rewards for such things as packing away the hitachi, to finding that lost birthday present.
Its a place where i actually feel use full, like I'm actually making difference to someone, like they actually think about me and acknowledge my existence. Versus, always feeling like i was tacked on and remembered at the last minute, a tag-a-long at dinners, the one who stays at home and looks after the dog for no food and no pay, while they go out to a baseball game and out to dinner. (not that i like baseball or anything, but they're taking advantage of me in a way.)