I'm so glad i don't do drugs or anything that can really really damage my body, because i have one hell of an addictive personality. I went from "Ass Play is a Hard Limit" to "Oh Please! Stick it up there again, Sir!" in about one weekend. (--); well, in my defence, it was a more of a 'fear of the unknown fear' kinda thing, but still. I find myself starting to want all the things Master's into. Like spaghetti-o's, spicy food, toy hunting, and star trek. Things i never really cared for in the past.I'm probably just associating it all with Master, but still.
It prolly makes me really fucking easy to train when you get right down to it. Ugh. i hope it isn't used for evil purposes. Like Master convincing me that i hate anime and dragons, but i love sci-fi and umm...boobs? (i don't think Master has an animal affiliation on par with mine. so umm..boobs is a pretty good substitute. yeah. id say i love dragons as much as a guy loves boobs. ^^)
i wonder if Master will try to get me over my fear of roller coasters....hmm.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Car wash of..... Hidden Humiliation?!
As per my last post, today i washed my car. The time i choose was just before sunset,(which i was told was the perfect time to wash the car.) To get ready for this endeavor, i pulled my hair back, put on a junky t-shirt , my new jean skirt, and of course, blueberry.
I was having a marvelous time, i was somewhere in between the sudz-up and the 2nd hose down when my mother pulled into the driveway. It was not until now that i shakily realized that, in all my squatting and leaning and walking around, blueberry had slipped about an inch out of me. What the hell could i do?! i couldn't just stick my hand up the back of my skirt and slowly adjust it while she was walking right towards me!
I continued washing the car, clenching my cheeks, and thanking the gods that i had worn panties with a back instead of a thong. She approached me with approval, happy that i was doing something i said i would do. (women don't believe you do anything good unless they actually catch you in the act of doing it.) She stood there, and stared. I tried my best to keep nonchalantly drying my car. She kept giving me these little tips on how to do it right, not lifting a towel to help me, but not going back into the house to do whatever it is that she needed to do. She just stood there and stared at me. i grew more nervous. ((had the plug come out even further?!...... i couldn't check.... not with her standing there...she might notice and ask..... she always asks.....nosey bitch....)) finally, she left. i sighed. And quick as a flash, i turned my back to my car and stuck my hand up the back of my skirt, desperately trying to push blueberry back into myself.
No luck. it wasn't going.was it because i was standing? i didn't know. i couldn't bend over with my ass up in the air and push it in like how i did in the first place... there was neighbors around. i could hear them talking somewhere. one might see me. After more fruitless pushing, i tried sitting down on the front porch. surely a hard concrete floor and gravity would have the power my hands lacked! I squirmed. i bounced i straddled the edge of the step. i got up and felt again..... Fuck! still an inch out!
My car was still only half dry. Should i go inside and take it out? No....that felt too much like failure. I said i would wash my car with it in,and i had to finish that job. I gathered up some muster, clenched my cheeks again, and squatted down to clean the wheel wells. (once and a while, i would sit on my heels, to see if that might shove it in....nothing happened. it stayed where it was.) Around the time i was drying the wheel wells, my last task, Steve drove up. ((great another person to feel humiliated in front of)) i was sure now it was my panties and only my panties that was keeping blueberry from popping out of me and bouncing merrily down the driveway.
My car finally finished, blueberry teetering 1/3rd of the way out of me,I said my greetings to Steve, gathered up my things, and bolted inside the house, down the stairs and into the bathroom. With a mean glare at the now released blueberry, i sat down, and began to write this. yay.
So there you go. My Car wash of Hidden Humiliation. ^^;
I was having a marvelous time, i was somewhere in between the sudz-up and the 2nd hose down when my mother pulled into the driveway. It was not until now that i shakily realized that, in all my squatting and leaning and walking around, blueberry had slipped about an inch out of me. What the hell could i do?! i couldn't just stick my hand up the back of my skirt and slowly adjust it while she was walking right towards me!
I continued washing the car, clenching my cheeks, and thanking the gods that i had worn panties with a back instead of a thong. She approached me with approval, happy that i was doing something i said i would do. (women don't believe you do anything good unless they actually catch you in the act of doing it.) She stood there, and stared. I tried my best to keep nonchalantly drying my car. She kept giving me these little tips on how to do it right, not lifting a towel to help me, but not going back into the house to do whatever it is that she needed to do. She just stood there and stared at me. i grew more nervous. ((had the plug come out even further?!...... i couldn't check.... not with her standing there...she might notice and ask..... she always asks.....nosey bitch....)) finally, she left. i sighed. And quick as a flash, i turned my back to my car and stuck my hand up the back of my skirt, desperately trying to push blueberry back into myself.
No luck. it wasn't going.was it because i was standing? i didn't know. i couldn't bend over with my ass up in the air and push it in like how i did in the first place... there was neighbors around. i could hear them talking somewhere. one might see me. After more fruitless pushing, i tried sitting down on the front porch. surely a hard concrete floor and gravity would have the power my hands lacked! I squirmed. i bounced i straddled the edge of the step. i got up and felt again..... Fuck! still an inch out!
My car was still only half dry. Should i go inside and take it out? No....that felt too much like failure. I said i would wash my car with it in,and i had to finish that job. I gathered up some muster, clenched my cheeks again, and squatted down to clean the wheel wells. (once and a while, i would sit on my heels, to see if that might shove it in....nothing happened. it stayed where it was.) Around the time i was drying the wheel wells, my last task, Steve drove up. ((great another person to feel humiliated in front of)) i was sure now it was my panties and only my panties that was keeping blueberry from popping out of me and bouncing merrily down the driveway.
My car finally finished, blueberry teetering 1/3rd of the way out of me,I said my greetings to Steve, gathered up my things, and bolted inside the house, down the stairs and into the bathroom. With a mean glare at the now released blueberry, i sat down, and began to write this. yay.
So there you go. My Car wash of Hidden Humiliation. ^^;
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Training of a 3rd kind!
So! This weekend was Master and I's 4 month anniversary! yaaaays! it was an awesome weekend! We went out to dinner and lunches and the pier and PA and had lots and lots of fun! ^^ It was also the weekend that some new toys arrived, and W/we decided it was time to start training my 3rd hole for my Masters use.
I was kind of scared at first, with all the horror stories my vanilla friends had told me about, describing the pain and how they declared 'never again!' (to the chagrin of their boyfriends.) But, they are just regular vanilla couples, and i highly doubt the guy even prepared her with even a finger. Otherwise, their new adventure might have gone a lot more smoothly.
The more i thought about it though, the more i liked the idea, and a lot of other people were able to do anal, so why couldn't i? At this point, i was nervous but excited. I wondered what it would really feel like, how it would be different from my 2nd hole, and things like that. Master went really nice and slow. And it made me happy that he was taking the time to do that, because it made me feel safer and more ready to accept it because he was treating it gently, rather then 'shoving it fully into me on the count of three'.
I was really surprised at how much i enjoyed the experience. It was sort of fascinating how much of a difference differently textured things make, because theres so many more nerves at the entrance of the 3rd hole then the 2nd. First, i experienced Masters fingers, then my smooth new butt plug. i wore my plug at different times for around a total of 12 hours this weekend. Everywhere i went when it was in me made me feel that much more submissive and eager to do things for my Master. Master let me take my plug home. Ive been given permission to wear it whenever i like. (i named my plug 'blueberry' ...cause....uhh...its blue... not very original, i know, but a code word was needed. i cant very well be in line at the supermarket and declare 'Master! my butt plug itches!!!' )
I think ill wear blueberry when i wash my car tomorrow. ^^
I was kind of scared at first, with all the horror stories my vanilla friends had told me about, describing the pain and how they declared 'never again!' (to the chagrin of their boyfriends.) But, they are just regular vanilla couples, and i highly doubt the guy even prepared her with even a finger. Otherwise, their new adventure might have gone a lot more smoothly.
The more i thought about it though, the more i liked the idea, and a lot of other people were able to do anal, so why couldn't i? At this point, i was nervous but excited. I wondered what it would really feel like, how it would be different from my 2nd hole, and things like that. Master went really nice and slow. And it made me happy that he was taking the time to do that, because it made me feel safer and more ready to accept it because he was treating it gently, rather then 'shoving it fully into me on the count of three'.
I was really surprised at how much i enjoyed the experience. It was sort of fascinating how much of a difference differently textured things make, because theres so many more nerves at the entrance of the 3rd hole then the 2nd. First, i experienced Masters fingers, then my smooth new butt plug. i wore my plug at different times for around a total of 12 hours this weekend. Everywhere i went when it was in me made me feel that much more submissive and eager to do things for my Master. Master let me take my plug home. Ive been given permission to wear it whenever i like. (i named my plug 'blueberry' ...cause....uhh...its blue... not very original, i know, but a code word was needed. i cant very well be in line at the supermarket and declare 'Master! my butt plug itches!!!' )
I think ill wear blueberry when i wash my car tomorrow. ^^
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Silence.
I love having my ability to speak taken away from me. Besides giving me a good feeling from giving something so fundamental and important over to my Master, it saves me from possibly saying anything embarrassing to people.
I enjoy the simple place it takes me to. I have to now just use sounds and gestures to try and make people understand what I'm trying to communicate to them. Its really amusing to most people, like I'm stuck in an endless charades game and I'm always 'it'. I also get in some fun humiliation by drawing silly mouths on the duct tape,it makes people giggle.^^
One of the fun times i had with this, was on Valentine's Day. Master and i were volunteering at 'My Kinky Valentine' at Threshold, and W/we were given the task of cleaning the grill. (which looked like it hadn't been cleaned in centuries) I got to clean it with tape over my mouth, and this goofy smile scrawled across it. (for an enhanced affect surly, because every time i looked up at someone who praised me for my hard work, i then received a giggle from them noticing the 'smile') ((it was awesomeness)). I got soooo dirty. i love getting dirty when I'm cleaning something, so when I'm all done, the item is clean, but now I'm covered in filth. hahahaha. ^^;
Well yeah. I really like being silenced. The only draw back that i come across is that i get really, really thirsty, probably from breathing through my nose all the time. ^^;
I enjoy the simple place it takes me to. I have to now just use sounds and gestures to try and make people understand what I'm trying to communicate to them. Its really amusing to most people, like I'm stuck in an endless charades game and I'm always 'it'. I also get in some fun humiliation by drawing silly mouths on the duct tape,it makes people giggle.^^
One of the fun times i had with this, was on Valentine's Day. Master and i were volunteering at 'My Kinky Valentine' at Threshold, and W/we were given the task of cleaning the grill. (which looked like it hadn't been cleaned in centuries) I got to clean it with tape over my mouth, and this goofy smile scrawled across it. (for an enhanced affect surly, because every time i looked up at someone who praised me for my hard work, i then received a giggle from them noticing the 'smile') ((it was awesomeness)). I got soooo dirty. i love getting dirty when I'm cleaning something, so when I'm all done, the item is clean, but now I'm covered in filth. hahahaha. ^^;
Well yeah. I really like being silenced. The only draw back that i come across is that i get really, really thirsty, probably from breathing through my nose all the time. ^^;
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Training
Well,since this is the first post, let me start with this. I'm a lifestyle submissive/slave, and I'm owned by my Master, Kamisama. ^^ Were soon to be going on 4months and I'm super happy with how the relationship is going so far.
Soooo yeah. on to today's topic, the trouble with training.
W/we've been thinking lately that its harder to train me when i can only see Master 2 1/2 days out of the week. because those other 4 something days skrew up a good chunk of the training that was instilled the previous weekends. I'm not really sure what to do about it, because i live with my parents, and when I'm in their house, its their rules that go. Anything they tell me to do, has to take precedence over what Master says. Which sucks balls. (mmm......balls....)
Anyways, its a hard thing to deal with. Doing normal human things most days, which make me uncomfortable, things like taking, eating, doing things without asking permission, sitting at a table, no reward/punishment system for anything i do. In normal reality, if i do something bad, i get nagged at with words forever, if i do something good,it either goes completely un-noticed, or i get a bland 'thank you'. Yup. i really see my motivation to do things for them. feh.
Then, we get to go to the wonderful part of the week. Where i can freely express myself and not feel self conscious, where i can eat from a bowl on the floor, ask to use the restroom, and receive small chocolate rewards for such things as packing away the hitachi, to finding that lost birthday present.
Its a place where i actually feel use full, like I'm actually making difference to someone, like they actually think about me and acknowledge my existence. Versus, always feeling like i was tacked on and remembered at the last minute, a tag-a-long at dinners, the one who stays at home and looks after the dog for no food and no pay, while they go out to a baseball game and out to dinner. (not that i like baseball or anything, but they're taking advantage of me in a way.)
Ah well. I'm sure something will change soon. hopefully. maybe. meow.
Thank You for reading this, my first post and stuff. weee~ ^^
Soooo yeah. on to today's topic, the trouble with training.
W/we've been thinking lately that its harder to train me when i can only see Master 2 1/2 days out of the week. because those other 4 something days skrew up a good chunk of the training that was instilled the previous weekends. I'm not really sure what to do about it, because i live with my parents, and when I'm in their house, its their rules that go. Anything they tell me to do, has to take precedence over what Master says. Which sucks balls. (mmm......balls....)
Anyways, its a hard thing to deal with. Doing normal human things most days, which make me uncomfortable, things like taking, eating, doing things without asking permission, sitting at a table, no reward/punishment system for anything i do. In normal reality, if i do something bad, i get nagged at with words forever, if i do something good,it either goes completely un-noticed, or i get a bland 'thank you'. Yup. i really see my motivation to do things for them. feh.
Then, we get to go to the wonderful part of the week. Where i can freely express myself and not feel self conscious, where i can eat from a bowl on the floor, ask to use the restroom, and receive small chocolate rewards for such things as packing away the hitachi, to finding that lost birthday present.
Its a place where i actually feel use full, like I'm actually making difference to someone, like they actually think about me and acknowledge my existence. Versus, always feeling like i was tacked on and remembered at the last minute, a tag-a-long at dinners, the one who stays at home and looks after the dog for no food and no pay, while they go out to a baseball game and out to dinner. (not that i like baseball or anything, but they're taking advantage of me in a way.)
Ah well. I'm sure something will change soon. hopefully. maybe. meow.
Thank You for reading this, my first post and stuff. weee~ ^^
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